


Growing Pains

by Malia_C_Quintro



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drama & Romance, F/F, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-02 05:04:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6552163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malia_C_Quintro/pseuds/Malia_C_Quintro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*uploaded a rewrite! This version will be discontinued so please go to the rewrito and continue the story from there. There has been alot of chapters added and alot of it was rewritten so you will have to re-read the story. I'm so sorry everyone but i promise the story is better and flows alot smoother now. *</p><p> </p><p>Jim crashed and crumbled with the sudden force. He melted with the sudden strong warmth of the grip on his arms, intoxicated by the scent of the faintest hints of cologne and plant soil Jim could have fainted. He knew who the being was as soon as he caught him from falling, and so Jim froze. He was shocked beyond compare at being seen in this state by him...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Baby Goodnight (pretend)

**Author's Note:**

> *uploaded a rewrite! This version will be discontinued so please go to the rewrito and continue the story from there. There has been alot of chapters added and alot of it was rewritten so you will have to re-read the story. I'm so sorry everyone but i promise the story is better and flows alot smoother now. *
> 
>  
> 
> I thought this up while listening to (Growing Pains by D&E of Super Junior)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then there was the bed itself, he stepped closer, his fingers running down the edge of the mattress and stopped once they reached the pillow. He paused staring at the menacingly white fluffy thing. One thought ran through his mind while he stared at the pillows, Jim had slept on his bed. It was Jim who rolled, tossed and turned beneath his sheets, Jim who slightly drooled on the pillow his head reasted on while the other he snuggled tightly to his chest but the one thing remained, Jim had slept on his bed.

"Captain?" The doors swooshed closed behind Spock as he starred at them curiously.

'Well this is awkward...'

The doors swooshed closed behind Spock as he starred at them curiously.

"Captain?" Jim cleared his throat standing straighter and flicked off invisible dust from his shirt.

"Spock! What're'ya doing here?"

"I merely came to collect the data files captain."

Chekov nudged the captain in the ribs glaring at him with wide eyes saying 'Now's your chance!' Jim mentally cursed the boy letting out a deep breath to regain some composure before putting his acting skills to the test, 'Here goes nothing...'

"Alright Spock, I gotta go make a call- "

"Call captain?" Jim paused by the door.

"Ya, a call, is there a problem or do I have to run that by you before I do?"

To say the commander was shocked was an understatement. There Spock stood wide eyed, lips parted slightly, Jim smiled.

"Good, at ease soldier, and close your mouth Spock you'll catch flies. See you on the bridge Chekov!" Spock's hand covered his lips in an instant and Chekov giggled.

"A- Aye Keptain!" Spock turned to look at the boy, an interrogating glare plastered on his face as Chekov coward with a sheepish grin.

"Lieutenant?" The boy squeaked.

"Y- Yes k- emmander!"

"Do you not have prior engagements to attend to?"

"Yes Kemmander, bye!"

Sulu announced Jim's presence as the captain walked aboard the bridge with Chekov following close behind. Everyone was silent as Jim took his seat the constant sound of clicking and beeping from people working at thier station's whirled through the room. Any other day Jim would've been happy to work alpha shift but today it was infurating. A five year mission in space didn't mean every day was going to be action packed. Jim groaned smearing his hand into his face.

The silence ate at his already racing mind. He could hear the gears turning in his head, feel the seconds ticking by, every passing minute felt like an eternity and it was killing him. Kirk was about rip out his hair when he heard a familiar beeping. Uhura tapped into the link reading the coordinates.

"Captain, they're hailing you sir?" Jim looked up curiously wondering who could be calling him.

"I - It's coming from New Vulcan sir...?"

Jim froze. There was only one other person who would contact him from New Vulcan and they were both associated with his first officer, he could already assume who was on the other end of the line. Jim jumped off his chair already walking towards the lift.

"Patch me through on a private link in the conference room, Sulu, you have the con!"

Jim bounced on his feet eagerly running to the conference room, he couldn't wait to see who was calling him. The doors opened and he bolted through the hallways pushing past people to reach his destination. Jim stepped through the doors pausing at the entrance to override all access but the captains. He sat in a chair at the head of the table and waited for the link to come through. The captain jumped when the wide screen turned on to reveal an old familiar face. The smile that radiated on the older mans face brought a fluttering warmth to his chest and he wondered if his Spock would ever look at him like that. A warm smile graced his face at the thought and he melted back into his seat.

"Hello Jim."

"Ambassador, it is a pleasant surprise to hear from you again. I've been meaning to call, but being a captain of a ship, the Enterprise no less, one can hardly get a moment of rest." The ambassador smiled.

"Yes, it has been some time now since we have last spoken." Kirk sat forward in his seat.

"Might I ask to what this call is pertaining to?"

"Do I need a reason to check up on an old friend?"

kirk chuckled, his smile growing into a wide grin, he liked this Spock and he wondered when his Spock would become as charming as this one. He cleared his thoat running a hand on his face to cover the rising blush.

"So this is a social call? That's illogical isn't is? To be honest I was thinking about calling you soon, I'm glad you called first you see, I have something quite personal to discuss with you..."

"Speak your mind Jim." Kirk hesitated contemplating on whether he should mention anything at all. He swallowed the knot in his throat speaking up finally.

"I've been having these reoccurring dreams...at first it was nice but I started noticing it was the same dream every night, but see, I couldn't really tell because things would happen differently it was just -" The ambassador's smile fell and his face grew stern and full of concern.

"The dialogue the same only voiced differently..." Jim sat straighter.

"Y- Yes, how did you know?" Selek closed his eyes and sighed.

"My apologies, but, it is too soon to say Jim..." Kirk jumped from his seat.

"Wait! So that means you know what's happening to me? These dreams and your not telling me?! Why can't you tell me?! Is it bad?!"

"James!" Kirk fell back in his seat the chair rolling back slightly.

"Please, I apologize for my outburst, but please Jim... try to understand..." Kirk nodded blankly.

"Can you answer me this... Just answer me one thing then..."

"I will do what I can." Jim nodded.

"Something came back... Out of the dream... Every dream, out of every dream nothing like this has ever happened." The ambassador's brow furrowed curiously.

"What was it Jim, what came back?" The captain looked straight into Selek's eyes never blinking.

"A flower..."

"A flower?"

"Yes, a flower. He gave me a flower in the dream... How did it get in my hand?" The ambassador smiled with an unreadable sadness, a knowing twinkle in his eyes as he looked up holding a familiar smirk on his lips.

"If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

"Jim starred at the ambassador, it was the same words he had heard Spock say before, his Spock. But now what? What was he supposed to do with that information? Jim groaned leaning back in his chair and running a hand through his hair.

"But this isn't something I can just analyze! Ok, so the flower is real? Symbolic? It's from the dream, but that just doesn't happen?! Someone had to hav- Oh..."

Spock chuckled holding a smile of adoration and longing, he remembered how ignorant and damn well stupid his captain could be when they were young.

"Precisely... Perhaps a thorough analysis is required before one can pass judgement on hypothesis rather than to proclaim truth from faulty information. We will continue this conversation later, Goodnight Jim."

The link was closed and Kirk sat gaping at the blank screen. He thought about the situation, remembered his surrounding, nothing was wrong with the picture, nothing out of the ordinary. There were neatly folded pants and ironed shirts hanging in an open closet, perfectly lined boots and perfectly orded old books. Plain and simple, but there was the problem and the only solution. It was Spock's room, no one would dare hack into his room and Spock wasn't one to pull a cruel joke. There was only one plossible explanation, Spock had given him the flower.

Kirk stood walking out of the conference room. His mind heavy rambling with thoughts, oblivious to anyone and his surroundings. So Spock gave him the flower, but why? How did he know about the dream? Kirk let out a deep sigh, he couldn't really just guess and making accusations wasn't going to bring him any closer to the truth.

That night Spock wandered the halls aimlessly. He rounded corners half a dozen times with no destination in mind but kept walking with the desperate need to move forward. He stopped to look at one of the ships computers curious of the time, it was getting late. Spock sighed moving through endless halls again. His throbbing mind made him pinch the bridge of his nose. He thought about the previous nights event, how seeing Jim in such a weak and defenseless state made his instincts go wild to the brink of insanity. He sighed again pacing the hallway thinking how it could be possible that one person alone could elicit such emotional responses in him. Perhaps that was the biggest surprise, not even Nyota could make such an impact on him. As if on cue, Nyota appeared out of nowhere like a raging godess. She walked in long strides, long slender legs carried her across the hall effortlessly, hips swayed like she was dancing to a song only she could hear and her skin glowed with the reflection of the ship's lights, Nyota was absolutely stunning. But even in her gorgeous glow, the empty pit in Spock's heart was not filled nor did his anxious mind settle at her mere presence like it once did .She smiled lovingly, standing on the tips of her toes bringing Spock's head down to kiss his forehead. He kindly accepted her affections and looked away. The action felt strange so he didn't return the kiss, he didn't want to, she frowned.

"What's wrong?" She huffed placing her hands on her hips.

"Must there always be an altercation for you to seek my presence? Nothing is the matter-" She stomped he foot impatiently.

"Spock please! You've been wondering the halls all night, you said I could come over tonight so come on and lets go to bed."

He froze, the bed smelled like Jim, he didn't want to go back to his room. Nyota moved to grab his hand and he flinched at the touch, the automatic transfer of anger and hurt emotions stung like burning oil on his skin. She scoffed at his reaction and he instantly regretted the action, he just couldn't control it.

"I apologize, it was not my intention to anger you-" She laughed sourly.

"Please Spock save the theatrics... Did you even remember it was our anniversary today?" Spock blinked curiously, she sighed heavily looking down at the floor. He tried to reach out for her but she took a step back.

"Save it Spock... It's not the first time you've forgotten, or the last time you've tried to evade the bedroom- just forget it... Goodnight Spock."

Spock was left dumbfounded in the center of the hall. He didn't know what else to do, so he walked to his room. Inches from the door he paused and turned around, the commander starred at the door besides his, it was Jim's room. So many times he had walked passed it, just a few feet away and not once had he stopped by to say 'hello'. Come to think of it, their rooms were connected from the bathroom and they had never crossed paths.

He stepped closer placing his palm on the captain's door, trying to do something, anything, he didn't know what? And yet he did. Spock was trying to feel Jim on the other side of the door, he closed his eyes trying to picture the blonde, tried to imagen what the other was wearing for bed, did he wear a matching set of pajamas? Did he prefer boxers? Or did he sleep in the nude? All these thoughts were strange. The commander took his hand off the door as a dark green dusted his cheeks in shame and embarrassment. He shook his head trying to rid himself of the shameful thought, they just weren't right. What was he doing? He was with Nyota, and here he was standing outside of his captain's room being, well what Sulu and Chekov would say, 'being a creeper'.

Spock typed in his access code almost running inside his room. He stood starring at the dullness of his living quarters. The room suddenly seemed so empty and large, as if he could never reach either ends of the walls. No matter where he looked, it just seemed so empty. He hadn't noticed how lonely and dead the place seem without someone there, and Nyota was the only other person who would dare set foot in Spock's room. The place was so wide and so empty, there was nothing within the place that symbolized it was lived in. The dull grey blue and white color scheme was a constant reminder of that fact.

He walked towards his bedroom, anxious to get away from the open space of his living room, but it was all the same. Everything was so wide and never ending, everything neatly placed within its spot, He opened the door to his bedroom, ironed shirts hung neatly in the closet alongside neatly folded pants, the drawer on the left of the room held neatly folded black socks and regulation briefs, the nightstand besides the bed at the center of the room held an old fashioned lamp and two photographs, one of his mother and the other of the alpha crew on shore leave. Then there was the bed itself, he stepped closer, his fingers running down the edge of the mattress and stopped once they reached the pillow. He paused staring at the menacingly white fluffy thing. One thought ran through his mind while he stared at the pillows, Jim had slept on his bed. It was Jim who rolled, tossed and turned beneath his sheets, Jim who slightly drooled on the pillow his head reasted on while the other he snuggled tightly to his chest but the one thing remained, Jim had slept on his bed.

Many times Nyota had tried to build thier relationship into something more physical. Many times she had invited Spock to her quarters on thier nights off and he would enter to find Nyota in revealing clothes and seductive fluttering eyes sprawled on the couch, sometimes she'd greet him at the door in lingerie. She'd lead him to the couch, lower the light to ten percent. She'd gently pushed him to lay atop of him as he fell into the cushions, her fingers threading through his hair as she lowered her head to the crook of his neck and kissed the tip of his ear, and whispered sweet seductive nothings as her hands slithered south to undue his pants, then he'd freeze. Spock's body would go rigid as he felt her fingers trying to wander past the zipper. He'd push her off going into a panic, breath quickening, heart pounding, eyes going wide and dilated. Spock would jump off the couch excusing himself and apologizing, and it never went further. Still Nyota would try and continue to fail, it made him feel guilty he couldn't fix the situation. But if she truly loved him should she not wait for him to make the first move when he was ready? Truly he was at a loss for words, he didn't know what to think.

The commander pulled out of his thoughs reaching for the pillow on the bed. They had tried so often but never once completed the action. Yes Nyota was stunningly beautiful and as an added bonus she was incredibly intelligent. He knew Nyota loved him and that he cared deeply for her in return, but to call it love? He was uncertain about thier relationship and questioned whether he truly had any kind of connection with her. It was truly complicated.

Spock sat at the edge of the bed, the pillow now held close to his chest. Nyota had never slept in his bed. She had tried but Spock never allowed it, he'd bid her goodnight and she'd leave to her room. But Jim had slept in his bed. He willingly carried and placed the covers over the sleeping form.

The commander laid back down on the bed, his legs hanging over the edge, the pillow he held was kept tightly in his arms. The sheets lingered with a fragrance of natural musk and cinnamon, something spicy and yet so sweet. Jim's scent was intoxicating and completely seductive, and it scared the hell out him.

Spock sprawled out on his bed running a hand through his hair. James T. Kirk, how had he gotten himself into this mess? But he already knew, lord forgive the stupidity of his half human genetics. For the love of all that is logic Spock could not comprehend why he did what he had done. He had seen into Jim's mind. The Vulcan plunged into the depths of Jim's thoughts, but what he saw, he never imagened to intrude on such an intimate scene. A moment of intimacy between Jim and himself.

Spock had seen the luscious green grass, walked the stone pebble path, relished in the calm peacful breeze that blew pink petals from cherry blossom trees and sat beside the pond that reflected baby blue skies. Footsteps brought him out his daze to run and hide behind a tree to watch the scene play out before him. And he watched as a mirror image of himself ravished the captain's lips, trailed down the blondes jaw and neck. Unconsciously Spock took a step back thinking perhaps this was too intimate for him to see but he was grounded. Stuck in place fighting the urge to run and flee or move forward and take action.

" ... I don't want this to end... I don't want to wake up... Don't let me wake up Spock..."

The commander stumbled with the sudden emotional transference within the dream, Jim's emotions were so strong it left him breathless gasping for air. Weak to his knees he leaned and slid down against the tree. Spock continued to watch the scene play out before him and it left him hungry, craving for the burning passion that displayed between his captain and this Spock. Never did the Vulcan imagen that the captain held such intense feelings for him. That thee James T. Kirk was in love with him, he felt guilt for never having noticed. Ashamed for the pain he may have caused the blonde while he was with Nyota. Spock watched closely as a single object continued to pass between the pair and when he realized what it was, it was then he did what he had done.

The commander gasped leaving Jim's mind, the sudden pull to reality quickly kicked in and he took off running towards the plants they kept in the labs. He walked through categorized shelves of plants and rows of trees till he found what he was looking for. He reached up for the perfect blossom plucking it from its thin branch and took off towards his room. Quickly and quietly he entered the bedroom. He paused by the door to see the blonde head poking out from beneath the sheets was still asleep and held his breath as he walked besides the bed to uncurl fingers and place the blossom delicately on the palm of Jim's hand.

The commander sighed coming out of his thoughts turning on his side. Grabbing a fist full of his bangs he pulled.

"What have I done...?"


	2. Baby Goodnight (pretend)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chekov's eyes glistened with tears that fell in sparkling streams down his cheeks. When the boys eyes landed on the captains face he realized that the man speaking before him was not of the captains, but Jim's. It was Jim who was torn and distraught, Jim who had fallen pray to the treacherous clutches of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know youre probably all asking where the abuse comes in, but its not gonna happen anytime soon. But there is some pretty brutal stuff later so just hold on to your seat guys (:

That night Jim slept in Spock's room. Spock moved to the center of the room in hopes of clearing his rambling thoughts. As he sat, the room echoed with soft whimpers from the blonde curled on the couch and he sighed when the trembling sobs quieted down to soft snoring. Spock didn't bother the captain further after having thier tea, he wasn't one to pry into peoples personsal affairs.

He sat in the center of the room across the sleeping blonde sprawled on the couch trying to meditate. Brows kneaded in deep consintration, sweat trailing down his face, for a Vulcan it was odd, even by his half human standards, Spock almost never broke a sweat. But sitting there now, meditating proved to be a trying task. It only frustrated his distraught mind.

Spock sighed and slumped in his seat. His shoulders hunched over in defeat and he sat crossed legged on the floor. He'd almost forgotten Jim was in the room till he heard the soft snoring again. The commander sat straighter starring at the captain curiously. Jim lay sprawled on the couch, the blanket he gave the captain earlier now on the floor lay forgotten. Spock got on his hands and knees inching his way closer to the sleeping blonde. His curiosity taking over wanting to know what the captain looked like in his sleep. The blondes chest rose softly with each breath, one arm over his head the other hanging loosely off the couch. Spock crawled closer now knealing a step away from the sleeping man. The commander's head tilted curiously looking over the captain, a light green dusting the tips of his ears as he starred at the exposed skin of Jim's abdomen.

Jim twitched and stretched his legs, Spock lowered his gaze catching himself starring and reached down to pick up the blanket on the floor. Bringing up the blanket the commander couldn't control the urge to look at the blonde again. His head tilting again as he glanced down at the tan skin of Jim's stomach leading down to his navel. From this angle Jim really was a specimen of true beauty. The golden blonde hair, the freckles that dusted his face, pretty plump pink lips, and tan skin made Spock swallow dryly.

"Fascinating..."

Jim's lips gave the slightest tug of a smile making the commander wonder if perhaps the captain were awake. He laid out the blanket tucking in the captain around the couch. He pulled the cover to Jim's shoulder and froze as the blonde mumbled in his sleep.

"Spock..."

He flinched dropping the blanket suddenly and sat back away from the couch. Spock wondered if the captain was dreaming about him and glanced down at his hand and back up at the captain. Maybe he could take a look, a quick look wouldn't hurt. After all the captain was asleep. He'd never have to know Spock was in his mind. 'No, I could never... It would be an intrusion on Jim's privacy.' But it was so tempting.

The captain continues to toss and turn in his sleep trying to find a comfortable position on the couch. Spock didn't think as he knealt down picking up Jim's sleeping form, careful not to wake him he paused before he walked him into the bedroom. the commander didn't sleep much anyways, and the captain would sleep better in a bed. Spock slid the covers up to Jim's shoulders turning to walk away. He stopped looking back at the sleeping form in his bed watching the slow steady rise and fall of the blondes breathing before he turned and lowered the lights to walk away.

Jim's dreams were filled with beautiful dreams that could never be possible he knew, but dreaming was so much better than reality. In his dreams is where he wanted to stay lately. Sleeping became his only escape from the stabbin pain in his chest of the reality outside his dream state.

There he dreamed of a beautiful place. A place of luscious green grass and clear blue skies. Cherry blossom trees and the scent of dirt after it rained blew through the air as it carried away pink petals with every wave. Jim walked up a stone path, he knew where he was going, where the path would lead to, where it would end. He smiled finding his destination, looking down at the figure knealing down to pick a blossom from the pond. Jim's heart fluttered and his smile grew into a wide grin as the figure turned to return a loving a smile.

Yes, everynight Jim's dreams lead him to this place. Every night he would return and greet the tall dark figure at the end of the stone path by the pond. It was here that the pain would end, it was here that he felt at home. Just thinking about it, he would die to stay here, in his little sanctuary. The rest of the world could cease to exist, if he could just stay here he would without any doubt. The figure took a couple steps forth reaching his hand out with the flower sitting on his palm

"Jim..." The captain came forth reaching out for the flower in the other mans hand.

"Spock..." Though every night he came here, the conversations always started the same.

"You look remarkably similar to my James... It is a desolate, yet pleasant surprise to see you..." Jim frowns even though he knows the dialogue to this conversation.

"What are you talking about Spock? I'm James, I'm always here, always have been!" Spock smiled, his hand came up to delicately stroke Jim's cheek.

"I lost my Jim long ago, saddly... You are not my James nor I, your Spock." Jim pushed forward hugging his arms around Spock's neck.

"Then pretend... But I promise I'm right here Spock, I am your Jim..."

Spock wrapped his arms around the blonde bringing him closer. He pulled away from Jim taking the blondes face within his hands to kiss the captain. Jim ran his fingers through dark black hair as he felt Spock's tongue slither passed his lips. Jim gasped with each kiss as Spock ravished his face and neck in open mouthed kisses.

"I... I don't want this to end... I don't want to wake up... Don't let me wake up Spock..." Spock pulled away smiling as Jim whimpered at the loss. He held the blondes chin tilting it to face him.

"Jim... My James... My T'hy'la... Your Spock awaits you-"

"But you're my Spock!" Spock smiled sadly.

"In another dimension, I am another Jim's Spock... But here, you shall always be my friend Jim. Perhaps someday your Spock will come to his senses and see the not only logical but beneficial outcome of a bond between you both." Jims lips began to quiver before he could cry he felt the familiar warmth of Spocks tongue lick the side of his neck and he tried to bite back a moan.

"Please don't say... That. The Spock I know- ahh... Will never see me, not the way you look at me..."

"Forgive me..." The captains brows kneaded in confusion, he pulled away.

"Forgive you? Wait why? Forgive you for what? Spock?" Spock smiled sadly.

"Because it is time for you to go." Jim held on tighter to Spock's shirt, trying to hug him closer. Spock kissed the top of Jim's head. His fingers snaked through the captains fingers placing the forgotten flower in his hand. Jim looked up curiously and Spock smiled sadly.

"It's time to wake up Jim..."

Jim gasped sitting abruptly throwing the sheets off the bed. He looked around curiously seeing the neatly organized room and open closet door revealing the perfectly ironed science blue shirts and black pants. The captains eyes went wide, this was not his room.

"Shit! I slept in Spock's room, I better leave before he finds me in here he's going to kill me! And then Bones will kill Spock for killing me, I better go now!"

The frantic blonde slid off the bed putting his boots back on and almost walked out of the bedroom, but somthing caught his eye. He turned around to see next to the bed by the nightstand a sleeping figure sat on a chair. It was Spock, he hadn't noticed the Vulcan in his frantic state. Spock was sleeping peacefully head hanging loosely, arms crossed with a slight green flush to his cheeks made him look almost child like. Jim reached out to touch the commanders perfectly cut bangs when something fell from his hand. He looked down to find the pink delicate petals of a cherry blossom. He covered his mouth shocked reaching down for the flower running from the bedroom before the Vulcan could wake up. He took a quick glance around the living room to see if he had left anything and sighed running outside when the familar swish of the door opening caught his ears.

Jim ran down the corridor stopping when he was far away from the commander's room. He tried to catch his breath leaning back on the wall behind him and looked up to bright lights on the ceiling. He brought out his hand looking down at the flower on his palm. Spock gave him that flower, not his Spock but the other Spock. It happened in the dream, the dream he had every night but nothing like this ever happened. The flower was real, it was there sitting on his hand mocking him in a way and calling him crazy. 'This isn't real...' He thought closing his fingers over the flower. Just then he heard the familiar voice of the cheerful navigator. His Russian accent rolling with every other word. He smiled as he watched the boy wave trying to hold a stack of pads to his chest.

"Good morneeng Keptain! Vat are you doing up zis early!?" Chekov stopped, his smile fading as he noticed the captain looked pale and frightened.

"Keptain, eez ewerything alright?" Jim looked up smiling slightly.

"Y -Ya, everythings good. What do you got there, you look like you could use a hand?" Chekov frowned knowing the captain was hiding something but sighed thankfully as the captain moved to take the pads and shifted his footing .

"Da, z- zank you Kaptain!"

"No problem, looked like you were having trouble with that anyways."

They walked silently for awhile, the silence growing on Chekov's nerves making him turn to curiously look at the captain. His skin still slightly pale, his brow furrowed in deep thought. He wondered what the captain could be thinking about that he'd go completely lost in thought. Chekov cleared his throat nervously trying to get the captains attention. It didn't work, the captain was still walking blindly.

"K -Keptain" Jim blinked and looked at the boy curiously.

"Huh? D -did you say something?"

"Nyet, you zeem lost keptain... Iz ewerything alright?"

Jim blushed at being caught. The dream he had last night was too much and then the flower the other Spock gave him was in his pocket. Nothing made sense and it scared him. 'This is Chekov... Come on, I can tell him... Maybe he won't think I'm crazy... And maybe, just maybe, he won't tell Bones to throw me In the nut house... Ok, here goes nothing...' Jim took a deep breath and started.

"Well... I have these dreams... The same dream everynight for awhile now... But this time, this it was different... I know it sounds crazy but everynight I've had these dreams, same place... Every night the same conversation but different things happen... In different orders... This time was just... I don't know..."

Chekov looked the captain over curiously, he considered his words carefully but really he was at a loss for words. He didn't know how to approach the situation. On the other hand the captain hadn't even told him about the dream, just that it had been strange. He hadn't explained anything. The boy smiled shyly.

"Vell keptain, vhy don't you tell me vaht iz in zee dream?"

Jim sighed and stopped walking, he looked to the ceiling, his eyes lost in thought starring blankly into the distance. Chekov swallowed dryly the captain looked so beautiful under the blue tinted lights of the ship. Lost in a deep thought, a sorrow filled expression graced the captains features making Chekov wonder what could make the always glowing man so broken. Jim spoke bringing the boy out of his thoughts.

"Have you ever been in love Chekov?" Chekov blinked clutching the pads closer to his chest.

"I... Hikaru iz special to me... I zink, I zink I love him... Vhy?" Jim smiled saddly looking back to the boy.

"Sulu... If Sulu left you... Would it kill you?"

"K- keptain?" Chekov stuttered nervously.

"If he died, if he didn't exist, if he didn't love you... And you watch from the sidelines as someone else takes your place... Tell me Pavel... Would it kill you?"

Chekov looked down nervous from the captains cold, dull stare. He looked so lost, so sad, the pale grey tint to the captain's normally blue eyes, made his blood run cold. He looked back up at the captain licking his lips nervously.

"K- keptain... I- I... Yes... It vould kill me..." Jim smiled saddly looking back down to the boy with tears in his eyes.

"Then maybe... You can understand... It hurts so much, the hidden kisses, loving smiles, hidden messages when they speak... Because I know, it will never be me..."

Chekov choked down a cry. He never knew the captain felt this way, and the cause was love. Something so insignificant and small, but it was undeniable love. The boy nudged the captain to follow him to their destination. Chekov placed the pads in their cabinets and stood back to watch the captain do the same. Jim closed the cabinets leaning against the wall and sighed.

"... The pain eats away at the core of my soul and boils the blood that runs through my veins like poison... I know... In a different life time, an alternate timeline, my timeline... One that should have been mine, was stolen from me..."

Chekov's eyes glistened with tears that fell in sparkling streams down his cheeks. When the boys eyes landed on the captains face he realized that the man speaking before him was not of the captains, but Jim's. It was Jim who was torn and distraught, Jim who had fallen pray to the treacherous clutches of love. So Chekov smiled, because despite his age the boy was no stranger to the pains of love. He cautiously reached out to bring the captain's head down to his height, thier foreheads touching as they stood silently listening to thier quivering breathes.

"Jim... Maybe I am nyet zee best perzon to zay zis but, love can over come all obstacles. If two people vere really meant to be together then lowe vill find a vay. Ewen through multiple univerzes and dimensions... Maybe zis dream vas just trying to show you that."

Jim sniffled reaching into his pocket. Chekov watched him carefully as the captain took his hand and froze.

"But that's just it...I don't know if it was just a dream Chekov. Spock... The other Spock gave me this in the dream, but when I woke up it was in my hand..."

"Vat- " Kirk placed the object in the boys hand, curiously Chekov opened his fingers to see the single cherry blossom in the palm of his hand.

"A flower?"

"Ya... From the dream..."

"Maybe 'Karu can find out if it iz real." Jim smiled and sighed in relief, Chekov didn't think he was crazy! He hugged and kissed the boy in excitement. When he pulled away Chekov was blushing madly, Jim only laughed.

"Keptain? May- Maybe you should speak to zee ambassador? "

"Spock prime? What're'ya crazy?" The boy blinked.

"N- Nyet! But, maybe, he can tell you vat zee dreams mean? T- Technically speaking, he iz from zee future and can maybe tell you if zis iz some sign?"

Jim paced the room, hands on his hips as his mind raced with questions. 'Maybe he's right... What if Selek knows about these dreams? What if these dreams are some sort of sign, but sign of what? Maybe he can tell me about the future? Wait no... He won't...' Kirk ran a hand down his face in frustration. Chekov pulled the captain's sleeve nervously.

"Keptein? Iz ewerything alright?"

"No... The ambassador promised to never interfere or give information that could ultimately influence or alter our time stream... He's not gonna tell me anything..." Chekove smiled.

"Maybe not... But he could help." Kirk's brow rose so high that even Spock's curious ridge would fall flat in defeat.

"Wh- what are you saying? "

"Call zee ambassador... Maybe speak over dinner? Invite him to zee ship for personal affairs zen maybe have scheduled video chatz..." Kirk's face contorted like he had tasted something bitter.

"Wait, stop! Are you... You want me to make Spock jealous? Thee Spock? Vulcan, stubborn, hot-headed, Spock jealous? Are you blind?! That pointy eared bastard has no emotions whatsoever-"

"Captain?" The doors swooshed closed behind Spock as he starred at them curiously. 'Well this is awkward...'


	3. Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim realized he could truly relax. He could let down his gaurd because this wasn't a fight. There was no threat to be fought, no one to save, the universe was till in tact. Letting out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, he smiled because it was just Jim and Spock.
> 
> Spock smiled too and wondered if perhaps this was the start of the friendship his future self spoke of when they parted ways. Perhaps then the friendship could turn into something more, Spock instantly froze at the thought. These thoughts were becoming a habit and it scared him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): I'd like to say now that after this chapter things will get slightly more violent and there will be mentions of abuse and alcoholism and possible rape. Ill let you guys know about it at the beginning of the chapters but its nothing too horrible. Anyways on with the show! Thank you for reading and well R&R, now for Act 4: friend

He was dreaming, he already knew too well as he looked around the familiar surroundings. Cherry blossoms, the sent of dirt after it rained, green grass, and a stone pebble path. How many times did he have to come back? Jim was startled as strong slender arms slithered to wrap around his waist. The blonde smiled leaning his head back on a blue clothed shoulder.

"Hello Jim."

"Hey Spock.

The captain hummed contentedly swaying his hips with the breeze and wave of the trees. He turned to place a chaste kiss on the Vulcan's lips. He watched as Spock smiled lovingly.

"He loves you too Jim..." The blonde smiled, fluttering his eyelashes unconsciously, and looked up to the taller man.

"You keep saying that... But how do I know for sure?"

Spock's hands pressed Jim firmly against his body, hands snaked down his waist to rest on his ass. Jim smirked humming happily as he wrapped his arms around the Vulcan's neck.

"You're such a tease... I wonder if he is too...?" Spock kissed along the captain's neck enjoying the small moans escaping the blondes lips.

"Perhaps... We are, the same." Jim turned his head to lick the ridge of the Vulcan's pointy ear and smiled when he groaned in pleasure.

"But you're not my Spock..." He whispered in the others ear.

Spock smiled saddly taking the other by surprise as he slid them both to the ground laying over the captain. The Vulcan smirked feeling the slight bulge beneath the tight black jeans. He slowly ground his hips into the blondes.

"Spoo~ck..." The Vulcan smiled leaning into the captain's face to whisper in his ear.

"Jim... Your Spock awaits you." Jim internally groaned, he hated this part of the conversation, the other man chuckled at the emotional transference.

"I don't want to go Spock... Please..." Spock kissed the captain softly on his forehead and moved down to his lips to place a loving kiss.

"Jim... It's time to wake up..."

Jim gasped as he sat up in bed. The sweat on his body trickling down his chest made him feel dirty then he looked down finally taking notice of the sticky wet feeling in his boxers.

"Shit! Seriously?! Its like I'm a fucking teenager again, stupid wet dreams-" Jim yelled running into the bathroom to take a shower.

Later that morning Jim decided to visit the activities room, he had time to kill anyways. But as he walked through the doors he never expected to see the person seated in the lounge. The one person he didn't want to see.

"Damn..." He whispered. Kirk cleared his throat pulling off a straight face making his way towards the sulking Vulcan.

Just a few steps forward and Jim could clearly see the troubled thoughts running through the commander's head. Anyone else would have passed it off for as just his normal expressionless face, but Jim could read behind the eyes. Those eyes always spoke volumes, the emotions always screaming, pleading through those eyes, 'please'. It was the only thing Spock couldn't hide, ambassador Selek had once told him. Jim allowed his eyes to close and sighed softly, memories of a frozen wasteland invaded his thoughts. Memories not his own mixing with the events of that day. For a moment he paused just to stare at the Vulcan and cautiously proceeded to the lounge to take the seat besides his first officer.

"Do you mind if I have this seat?"

Jim asked nervously, but Spock took a while to respond so he got up to leave till he felt a firm, yet warm grasp around his wrist. Jim blinked looking down at his arm, Spock's hand was holding his wrist. Spock was touching him. Stubborn, angry, don't touch scary hobgoblin was touching him. Jim melted with the sudden realization, his face went tomato red.

"Please... Stay..." The words were came out lower than a whisper, if Jim had turned away he would have missed it. The captain sloowly sat back down on the seat.

"Uhm... Mmm, is everything alright? You seem tense?" Jim waited through the silence and watched as Spock's shoulders visibly sank with a long sigh he let out and closed his eyes.

"Tense... Would be an understatement..." Jim slightly smirked from how relaxed his first officer was being with him. He quickly changed his expression to a look of concern as he continued. "Nyota is being difficult... She will not speak with me and I find myself lost with this altercation in our relationship... I fear it will end soon."

Jim starred blankly at nothing, this information was huge. Surely he felt bad for Uhura but this would mean he'd have a chance. If things got worse Jim would be there every step of the way and when all was said and dones, he'd strike and claim what was rightfully his. The captain sighed, 'Easier said than done Jim...'

Spock and Uhura could easily become friendly again and he'd be back to square one, anything could happen. Jim turned his full attention to the Vulcan besides him and smiled weakly placing a hand on Spock's shoulder.

"Maybe it's just a phase? Or maybe she's stressing about something and unconsciously taking it out on you? Im not sure, but dont linger on it too much Spock, she'll come around."

Spock looked up from his dazed stare and he turning to face Jim. What he did left the captain breathless and surprised. Spock smiled, those beautiful auburn eyes starred back at twin pools of blue, and if Jim were standing he might've fallen from the trembling of his knees. The subtle quirk of Spock's lips sent a flutter to his chest, but it was the look in its entirety that melted Jim. The look of Spock's face, the smile that curved the egdes of slightly pale pink lips, almond eyes that said this smile was reserved for him alone. It was the look ambassador Selek gave him when they spoke. Jim prayed to whatever God was listening, for this moment to be a sign for a possible future.

Spock secretly took pride in the way Jim's breath hitched, like a small victory the Vulcan relished the fact that a simple smile could make the ever flirtatious captain weak to his knees. The commander could see the visibly rising blush on the captain's cheeks and the smile on his face became a slight smirk. But Jim could esily turn tables, and turn the cool commander to mush. Jim laughed nervously, his tongue flicked out to wet dry pink plump lips, eyes nervously looked down fluttering blonde lashes like wings of a butterfly. But he wasn't finished, Spock's mouth ran dry growing fidgety when suddenly striking crystal blue orbs came into view making him gasp. The Vulcan could easily loose himself in the tiny oceans that starred back at him. But Jim quickly looked away smiling, score one for Jim, zero for Spock.

"Perhaps we should play a game, instead of waisting valuable time?" Spock looked at him curiously.

"What would you suggest?"

"How about a game of old fashioned chess?" Spock smirked.

"Let the game begin..."

It was what Jim that had proposed to play, and so they played. Soon enough people around the room began to take interest in thier game and came around to watch as the famous James T. Kirk and commander Spock played. People watched back and forth as the peices began to leave the board. By each turn people could that both seemed almost evenly matched. Spock would admit that he found himself entertained and fascinated by Jim's erratic moves. He was never able to tell what the other was going to do and he liked it, aside from all the other people he palyed he was usually bored but Jim sparked life into the usually dull boring game. And the smiles of victory Jim would make sent a slight flutter in the pit of his stomach.

Jim smiled, he was enjoying himself too. He could see Spock's gears turning in his head constantly trying to figure out his next move. The captain chuckled, he did not giggle, as almond eyes widened in surprise. Jim starred for a minute across the table, watching Spock, observing him till those brown eyes starred back at his and smiled. It was then that Jim realized he could truly relax. He could let down his gaurd because this wasn't a fight. There was no threat to be fought, no one to save, the universe was till in tact. Letting out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, so he smiled because it just Jim and Spock.

Spock smiled too and wondered if perhaps this was the start of the friendship his future self spoke of when they parted ways. Perhaps then the friendship could turn into something more, Spock instantly froze at the thought. These thoughts were becoming a habit and it scared him.

"Spock?" He blinked looking to the smiling captain.

"Yes?" and those beautiful long blonde lashes fluttered again

"I win." Spock blinked again starring at the board.

Once...

Twice...

Three times...

Spock blinked, but there it was, Jim had won the game and the group of people sat awestruck.

"Where's you head Spock? Perhaps next time you'd pay close attention to the game."

'Next time?' The captain rose from his seat, Spock sat still blinking at the board when he finally registered Jim had won the game.

"Fascinating..." Jim laughed, Spock looked up and could only smile at the genuine look of happiness on his captains face. Jim looked at Spock and for a moment they just starred at each other. Comfortable in each others presence, a million words passing and yet, not a single word was spoken. Spock would never admit that this moment would become a memory held dearest to him, because it was the first time Jim smiled for him alone. A smile with filled with undeniable love.


	4. I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's McCoy, I just didn't know what else to do..."
> 
> "What's wrong with Bones?" Jim had a concerned expression.
> 
> "He's locked in office, he won't stop drinking and I'm getting worried..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): This chapter has abuse, alcoholism, and implied rape so if you dont like it dont read and ill try and fill you in next chapter k?
> 
> 'Flash backs and thoughts are in italics'

It had been three days since their argument. Three days since Jim left him to his own devices. Three days since he had been drinking. Like clock work, every night his shift ended and when he was alone in his office Bones searched for his hidden bottles and began to drink excessively. Bones was angry, foaming at the mouth with venom boiling through his veins, and Carol began to worry.

She nervously carried a tray of food towards his office. Hands nervously typing in the password to open the door but it was denied. She already knew, but she still tried. She sighed setting the tray aside and knocked on the door.

"McCoy? " He didnt reply and she tried again.

"McCoy? I brought you something to eat! Why don't you- "

"Go away Carol... Office hours are over..." She sighed looking over to the forgotten tray on the table by the door.

"Alright it's just out here if you cha- " Bones snapped.

"Goddammit Carol! Office hours are over! Leave me the fuck alone, can't a man get any peace around here?! Leave!"

Bones could hear the cries and clicks of her heels as she ran off crying. He sighed in relief sitting back in his chair to fill another glass. He frowned when nothing came out of the bottle and growled throwing it at the door.

"Dammit..." The glass spread throughout the floor making an even bigger mess of the place. Bones groaned running a hand through his hair getting up to pick the glass off the floor.

Leonard knew what Jim would say if he were to see him in this state, and he smiled saddly at the memories, but he couldn't bring himself to stop. The first time it got bad was when he couldn't speak to his daughter, it almost killed him.

_"Leo? Please stop drinking... It won't do you any good..." The Doctor didn't even look up as Jim spoke, just kept on starring blankly with the beer bottle in his hand._

_"I - I can't Jim... Jim she just- she just won't let me speak to Jo-Jo... Damn ex-wife know about us jim... Its my daughters birthday and she won't even let me call her to say 'hello'."_

_Jim shuffled slowly across the living room to sit on the couch next to the man. It didn't matter that He smelled heavily of whiskey and cheap beer or that his eyes were bloodshot red and glossed with tears. Jim did the only thing that came to mind. He gently placed his arms around the southern man and kissed the top of his head._

_"I'm sorry Leonard... I'd do anything to make this all go away. Hell, I'll leave if that what it takes... I'll go if it means you could be happy and see Jo-jo..."_

_Bones couldn't believe it, here he was crying and drowning in beer because he couldn't speak to his daughter, and now Jim was ready to leave him just so the old drunk could say 'hello' to his daughter. He really couldn't believe it._

_"God Jim... I don't know what I'd do without you. Here I am a fat old drunk, I don't know why your even with me...?" Jim smiled smaking the doctor flat on the back of his head._

_"Because you're my dumb hick. My life is in your hands, and ain't no other Doctor that knows about my allergies like you do. I might've been dead by now if it wasn't for you." Bones glared at the blonde trying to keep an angry face but failed miserably and they both laughed_.

Leonard sniffled, rubbing angrily at the tears falling. The memories always came back full force when he drank. That was the first time he started drinking into oblivion. And no matter what Jim loved him, Jim was always there. People always told him that true love was never perfect, if its real love there's good days and bad days. Leonard hated to admit sometimes there was really bad days, he was more ashamed to say they would get worse...

_"Bones it's not your fault! There's nothing you could've done!"_

_Leonard paced the room back and forth. He had been drinking again, Jim knew by the smell and broken glass on the floor. The place was a mess and Bones was fuming. So he cautiously took a few steps forward trying to approach the drunk man._

_"Leo-" He snapped turning around to yell at the other._

_"God dammit Jim! I'm a doctor, I should've been able to do something! I should've been able to save his life!" Jim only sighed, it was always like this everytime he lost a patient, today wouldn't be the exception._

_"Leonard please... Take it easy, it's been a long day, lets just go to bed..."_

_The drunk man laughed menacingly, the look on his face was crazed as he stormed his way towards Jim throwing everything in his path. Bones knocked over the glass coffee table and it was then that Jim felt fear. Jim stepped back trying to get away from Bones drunken rage. He ran into the kitchen to stand behind the table and chairs but they were all effortlessly thrown out of the way and Jim was left backed up against the wall. Jim could feel his racing heart beating against his chest as Bones rammed him harder into the wall._

_"Ya, the bed... That's all your good for isn't it? Spreading your legs..."_

_The blonde whimpered trying to pull his wrists from Bones strong hold. He could smell the heavy scent of alcohol as the drunks breath came out to tickle his neck sending chills down his spine that made him shiver. But Bones took it for pleasure and smiled sickly. This wasn't right._

_**'This is wrong...'** _

_Bones kissed along Jim's collar bone while his left hand began to wander. Finger nails grazing his stomach leaving a red trail of marks down his stomach and stopped at his waist. He could feel the hot tongue licking up his neck and sucking on his skin, that would surely leave an ugly mark from the teeth that bit roughly into the sensitive flesh._

_**'This isn't right...'** _

_Bones smirked and Jim was afraid of the sick pleasure the doctor took out of this moment. He tried to push away, tried to kick and scream but it came out as muffled sobs and moans as the drunk savagely ravished his lips. Jim cringed from the horrid taste of the burning alcohol as their tongues swirled around each other. Jim bit the mans tongue and he groaned in anger and pleasure smiling with blood in his teeth. Jim frowned and spit at his face. Jim fought harder to pull away but Bones only threw him harder, the back of his head colliding with the wall scarily. Jims sight was slightly blurred, head spinning from the pain, leaving him dazed till he felt the harden length in the drunks pants poke at his hips._

_**'No... No...'** _

_"No!" Jims eyes clenched shut and pushed with all his strenght sending Bones falling backwards on the fallen table on the floor. Jim angrily jumped on the drunk screaming hysterically, balled fists puched at the man on the floor repeatedly not caring that there was blood smeared from the broken nose._

_"What the hell is wrong with you?! How could you do this to me Leonard?! Me?!"_

_Bones groaned in pain unable to see straight, but he could hear the pain in Jim's voice, and he could feel the body quivering in fear above him. He tried to reach out and comfort the younger, tried to apologize for his actions, but Jim fliched and screamed smacking Bones hands away._

_"Don't fucking touch me!"_

_Bones got up trying to steady himself. He had a raging headache, his face hurt, but nothing hurt as much as how he felt for saying those things to Jim. He felt bad for the things he did, guilt and shame for almost doing the unspeakable to someone he loved. He just wanted to apologize, but Jim couldn't see that. Leonard stumbled trying to approach the blonde, his head felt fuzzy, throbbing with a pounding headache. He was so drunk, he just wanted to apologize to him, why couldn't he see that? Trembling bloody hands reached out to caress the captain, but the blonde revolted. His face twisting in horror and he crouched placing his head in between his knees screaming bloody murder. Those who were walking the halls near their room could hear the screams and froze in thier tracks. Sulu just happened to be near by and ran to the captains aid._

_"No, No, No! Get away from me!"_

_The doors swished open to reveal the helms man panting practically from the run with a panicked look on his face._

_"Jim?" When the helms man saw the state the captain was in he glared daggeres at the doctor as hus blood boiled in rage._

_"You... How could you, you sick fuck!" That was the first time Sulu found out about Leonard's drunk and violent tendencies_.

Bones stumbled from the desk getting up to clean the mess of broken glass on the floor. The memories always came back at full force when he was drunk and he hated it. It always made him feel guilty and it was worse now knowing he could never fix it. The drunk crashed to the floor and whimpered. He stayed on the floor rolling onto his side. The tears fell trailing down his face making tiny puddles on the tiled floor. Hands came up to grasp at messy untamed hair. His body curling in on itself and he cried out.

"Oh God Jim! What am I supposed to do...?" Running through the halls crying, Carol came up the turbo lift to the bridge. It was Jim who stood up running over to her aid. She wiped angrily at the spilling tears, her make-up smearing under her eyes.

"I-I'm sorry for coming in like this but I didnt know what else to do?!" Jim placed a hand on her shoulder, the other came up to gently stroke her cheek and wipe her tears. She graciously leaned into the touch.

"Shh- Carol, it's alright. Tell me what's going on?" She whimpered.

"It's McCoy, I just didn't know what else to do..."

"What's wrong with Bones?" Jim had a concerned expression.

"He's locked in office, he won't stop drinking and I'm getting worried..."

Spock stood from the seat at his station and Sulu turned around looking back at the captain. The concerned expression visible on his face and Chekov was left nervously looking between the group that had settled near the captains chair. When Sulu's shoulders tensed and his hands balled into fists, Chekov grew frightened reaching out to lightly tug on the sleeve of the gold shirt the helms man was wearing.

"Karu?"

Jim watched the two share glances, surprised and taking a step back when a science blue shirt came into view. He nervously looked up at the taller man to see auburn eyes starring back at him. The questioning glare he shared with the helms man proved he was trying to read further into the situation. Curious almond eyes scanned the scene trying to pick out Information when nothing was being said. Jim starred back at Sulu nervously.

"I-I..." Sulu glared, his body going rigid and tense.

"Jim. No! Let security handle it."

The blondes head shook defiantly. Jim was scared, visibly shaking, lips quivering slightly, and eyes glossed over with threatening tears. Jim started walking backwards shaking his head 'no'.

"I-It's Leo... I can't just leave him there Sulu... I'm sorry, I c-can't..."

Chekov jumped from his seat wrapping his arms around Sulu's waist trying to hold him back from throwing himself at the captain.

"Jim!"

"I'm sorry!" He yelled back running into the lift.

Spock could see Sulu was fuming. He could see the mans nostrils flaring, feel the menacingly heavy aura that befell the bridge in silence and worried glances. Chekov was still trying to calm down the helms man. The commander could hear bits and pieces of thier conversation and it made him anxious.

"Karu relax pleaze."

"He's only gonna get hurt-" Spock's ear twitched and he turned to face the pair from his station.

"Karu...?"

"I don't want to see him that again-" The commander grew antsy with the bits of information he was getting from the pair unable to hear entire sentences. His footing constantly switching weight, brows kneaded, fingers twitching nervously behind his back. Chekov's hands cupped Sulu's cheeks.

"Hi-chan...please..." Sulu's hands trembled as he grasped Chekov's hands, rubbing his cheek into the touch and kissed the boys palm.

"If he lays a hand on him aga-" Spock froze, that was the last piece of information he needed to bring down the severity of the situation. A piece of information making him act on impulse and Spock took off without a second thought.

"Sulu you have the con!" Sulu yelled out and Uhura came running after Spock curiously.

"Spock! Where are going, Spock!" But in a flash of blue spock was gone out the doors and into the turbolift. Uhura was left stomping her foot angrily.

Jim ran the corridors to reach the doctor. The layout of the ship already mapped in his mind telling him where to go as he rounded the corner and he ran out of the lift.

_'Down the hall two rights and a left...'_

Jim thought trying not to let the anxiety get to him. But memories crawled into his mind leaving him in a blank stare as he ran.

_"Jim? What's wrong?" The blonde sat in front of Bones on the floor as he laid on the couch._

_"I can't do this anymore..." Bones looked at Jim curiously. he quickly sat up scooting closer to the blonde._

_"The drinking... I just can't. You drink and it gets out of hand Leonard! It scares me!"_

_Leonard watched the blonde from the corner of his eye. He knew when Jim was upset, when he was trying to hold back the tears. The young captain turned away letting out slow uneven breathes, the nervous flick of his tongue to wet dry lips, the way his fingers played unconsciously and the flutter of blonde lashes trying to hide over flowing tears at the rims, he knew Jim all too well._

_"Jimmy... I'm sorry..." There. Jim brought his knees up to his chest hiding his face as he began to cry. McCoy Smiled sadly reaching down for the blonde to sit Jim in his lap._

_"No Bones!" He struggled but Leonard managed to get him in his lap._

_"Jim?" No response._

_"Jimbo baby, look at me?"_

_The blondes finally looked up and those crystal blue orbs never faltered to make him gasp. Jim was beautiful even when he cried. Bones pulled the younger man in for a soft embrace. His arms coming to wrap around Jim's back and the other in blonde locks._

_"I don't want to hurt you kid... I'll try and stop, I promise Jimbo, just don't leave... I can't do this whithout you..."_

_Jim snuggled into the crook of the southern mans neck. Lips did not speak only quivered as more tears fell to dampen the older mans shirt. Bones grew anxious hugging the blonde tighter._

_"Please..."_

_The voice muffled into Jim's shirt, the blonde didn't speak, only nodded as Bones instantly ravished the captains neck. Jim's body instantly lost control, submitting into the doctor's touch. The blonde allowed the doctor to gently push him down on the couch._

Jim came out of his thoughts wiping angrily at the stray tears. He paused one more time to before turning the corner. The captain feared what he might fined when he reached the doctor's office. With heavy dread and sluggish steps, Him rounded the corner walking and hiss thoughts wandered back to that night.

Five steps...

_The blonde beneath him began to moan._

Four steps...

_Hands roaming, exploring the curves of the lean body and dipped into the curve of his back._

Three steps...

 _Eyes fluttered open to reveal twin pools of blue_.

Two steps...

_Lips sealed with a loving kiss._

One step...

_"I love you..."_

Jim opened the door to the infirmary getting out of his thoughts, walking with precaution. Each step he took became heavier as he neared the office at the end of the hall.

"L- Leo?"

Footsteps echoed down the hall behind the captain. Jim panicked forcing the fear away to move forward. He took off in a sprint, hand reaching out ready to input the captains override code. Footsteps growing closer made the captain turn his head for a second before he heard the familiar 'swoosh' of the door opening. Jim ran forward still looking back at the door at the end of the hall behind him.

_"I love you too Leonard..."_


	5. Sober

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He just wanted Leonard back, everything was so much more difficult without him always by his side. It was then he understood, that the monster before him was a creation of his own doing. There was no Bones without Jim, and when he left, Bones was destroyed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): yes this chapter is violent, there's abuse, almost rape, alot of vulgar language... And if you don't like it I think you can skip to after the bad stuff and head on to the next chapter. Now for Act 6:맨정신 (Sober).

Jim stopped hearing the crunching of broken glass beneath his feet. Looking down he finally saw the mess. And gasped, a chocked cry filled the room as he saw the state the doctor was in.

"O- oh God, Leo! W- What've you done?!"

Bones body lay huddled on the floor. Broken glass scattered around the room. Vomit stained the floor near his face and trickled down his chin. The place reeked of sickness and alcohol. And Jim fell to his knees cradling the older mans head.

"Leonard... Leo, Leo baby, wake up!"

Trembling hands combed through messy sweaty hair, trying to make the unconscious man look remotely decent. Tears blurred Jim's vision and dropped in tiny puddles on the doctor's face. Jim gripped the mans shirt tightly rocking back and forth as the footsteps grew closer but he paid them no mind.

"Bones, wake up please! If they find you like this I'm not sure what they'll do to you- Leonard! Please!" Jim smacked the older man repeatedly, and froze when he saw hazel eyes begin to blink lazily.

"Who- wah- Jim" Jim was so happy to see the drunk alive but Jim's smile boiled the doctor's blood and rage fueled his heart. Bones hand pulled at the captain shirt.

"Y-you shouldnt be here! Now leave!" Pushing the captain away.

"B-but Leo, you need help, let me help you!" The man used his desk for support to stand. Immediately he turned with anger written over his face.

"Help me!? You call this helping me!? You left me to rot!" Jim stood reaching out for the older man.

"Bones please, I know we're not toge-" Leonard grabbed the blonde throwing him onto the desk beside him. His nostrils flaring, face flushed, eyes blood shot red, and his lips fell to form an angry scowl.

"Was I not enough for you... That you had to go and chase the next dumb fuck? Whos next when you're tired of Spock? Sulu? Giatto? Scotty!?"

Jim whimpered, trying to sit up hitting the doctor with shaking clenched fists. Jim was in shock, he was worried about Bones and wanted to help him. How had this all happened? The man grabbed him by the collar slamming him hard back down on the desk. Bones laughed evily.

"Just like the academy, huh Jimmy? Before you and I started dating you fucked half the entire school! Isn't that right Jimmy!? Or did you just lie there bent over with your face to floor cause you couldn't move anymore...? Hmm, you disgust me-"

"S-stop it! Just stop!" tears fell down the captains face. Bones only smiled smugly bringing the captain by the shirt.

Bones punched the captain's face causing his bottom lip to tear and bleed. Jim laid still shocked starring at the man as McCoy starred back curiously at the busted lips. Jim gasped letting out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding as Bones fingers delicately touched Jim's lips. Bones thumb traced Jim's lips smearing the blood on like lipstick. The doctor smiled wickedly bringing his head down to Jim's to whisper in the blondes ear. Jim could feel Bones lips lightly brush past his cheek to his ears sending shivers down his spine. Bones chuckled smugly, both hands on either side of Jim's thighs. They were so close Jim smelt a hint of cologne under the stench of sickess and alcohol. Leonard's eyes fluttered shut as he spoke.

"My little whore..." Jim cringed and recoiled from his touch like it was boiling oil. Jim tried to push the older man off of him, trembling hands punching, legs kicking trying to get free.

"You're sick! Get off of me! Get off!"

Bones laughed licking the blood from his fingers and smiled a toothy grin covered in blood as he pushed Jim back to lie down on the desk. His hands quickly roaming the blondes body, ripping the captains gold shirt to reveal tanned smooth skin. Jim tried pushing the older man off but in his frantic state it was all useless and only served to excite the drunken man more.

"Le- oh God no! Leonard please stop!"

Bones only laughed using pieces of Jim's ripped shirt to tie the captains wrists and pulled them above his head. Pants were torn and His legs were spread apart. Jim was terrified, of all the times Bones had gotten drunk and uncontrollable, it had never gotten this bad. Bones at some point would return and he'd apologize to the blonde. But this time Jim wasn't sure if the doctor would come back to his senses. Jim only wanted him back. He wanted him to smile, wanted hazel eyes to glisten with life like they once held, kiss Brandy flavored lips as they bathed in sunlight in an opened field. He just wanted Leonard back, everything was so much more difficult without him always by his side. It was then he understood, that the monster before him was a creation of his own doing. There was no Bones without Jim, and when he left Bones was destroyed.

Jim let his tears fall looking up at the man leaving bruises along his neck and chest. Starring at him with saddened tear filled rims.

"Le- Leo... I love you... Please..."

For a moment the drunken man froze, and Jim hoped it was enough to bring him back to his senses. But all too soon the older mans expression changed back to a look of unbelievable anger. Bones tore the thin fabric of his boxer briefs, Jim cried out frightened.

"Liar! You never loved me! And he'll never love you after Im through with you! You'll be mine, forever..."

"N-No, Leonard stop! No!" Just as the drunk was about to smack the blonde again the door was forced open by a pair of unbelievably strong hands.

Tear filled blue orbs connected with coffee brown eyes. The commanders sudden instinct to protect came at full force like an animalistic rage. Jim's lips were red and slightly swollen, his bottom lips split leaving a trail of blood running down the left side of his chin. Spock swallowed dryly, hands fisting and nails digging into his palms causing small cuts that bled an emerald green. Jims eyes stared at the Vulcan, begging, pleading. His body exposed, bruises down his neck and chest. The blonde whimpered not being able to move.

"Spock... Help me..."

A single tear rolled down the captains cheek and Spock faught the urge to reach out and catch it before it fell. Angry brown eyes looked up at the doctor trying to fight back the instinct to kill.

"Doctor McCoy, I believe this has gone on long enough... Please step away from the captain or I will be forced to remove you myself."

McCoy scoffed, laughing evily as he yanked the blondes head by his hair. Jim whimpered, hissing in pain. Spock wanted to yank the hands off the captains head but feared worse for the captain, if he were to act on impulse who knew what the crazed doctor would do. So he swallowed dryly as panick rose and made him tremble. Bones smirked, a disgusting look plastered on his face from the pain the captain was in. He watched Spock's body language, reading into every little movement, every little twitch. Leonard tugged the blondes hair in Spock's direction causing him to cry out in pain.

"Do you want him?" What kind of question was that? Spock was frozen in place, he didn't know what to say, Bones chuckled.

"What's the matter Spock? Don't you like him? Huh? If you want him, come'n take him."

Bones took Jim's tied hands pulling him to sit up holding them above his head. Jim felt so exposed he tried to hide by closing his legs, but the Doctor scolded him pulling on his hair more. Spock was confused, he didn't understand what the doctor was doing or why he was doing it. He watched as Bones roughly kissed the captain tugging on his hair to give him more access to his already bruised flesh of his neck.

"L-Leo... Uh-ah... S-Stop, please..."

Bones hands caressed the blondes chest pausing to play with pink nubs. Another sickening smile of satisfaction fell on the doctor's lips when Jim moaned. The doctor finally looked up to wink at Spock, giving the Vulcan's cheeks a green tint, Spock turned away.

"He's ready Spock, just look at him..."

Jim was blushing and panting, with red swollen lips, saliva trickling down the side of his mouth. The doctor's hand still pulling Jim's head back leaving his eyes half closed. Jim's legs were still closed tight trying to hold onto whatever little dignity he had left. Leonard was not amused by this.

"Open your legs Jim, like the good little whore that you are..."

Jim whimpered refusing, trying to close his legs tighter. Bones hands slithered south trying to pry open the stiff legs, but the blonde wouldn't budge. Bones pulled Jim's hair harder and bit down on his shoulder angrily on the younger mans shoulder breaking the skin. Jim cried out in pain.

"Ahh! Oh God stop! Stop it! Spock help me please! Please!"

Bones threw Jim's legs open grabbing the half limp member in his hand and started stroking slowly. Jim carried and squirmed not wanting to be touched. His body betraying him as he bucked his hips up at the feeling. He didn't want this but his body was starting to respond.

"Mmm~ ah! Haa... Please... S-stop..." Bones smiled looking up at Spock.

"I'll ask again, do you want him?"

Spock swallowed at nothing and just look away. He couldn't deny the growing tightness below his waist but he didn't want this. If the occasion ever occurred he'd let it play out naturally, but this was sick. This was disgusting and humiliating, there was no honor in taking the captain like this.

The commander raised his head glaring at the doctor and looked down at Jim with softer eyes. Slowly he walked in front of the captain on the desk sitting with his legs spread wide. Spock settled himself between his legs, the doctor moved his hand from Jim's throbbing member and the captain whimpered as his hair was tugged to look up at Spock and he clenched his eyes shut in fear.

"P-please don't Spock... No..."

Spock's hands rested at his waist observing the body before him. Slowly his hands ran up the younger mans sides, running his hands up his chest and neck to land at Jim's cheeks. Jim shivered beneath his touch, frightened and aroused. Cautiously he opened his eyes to see Spock looking back at him. The pain written in Spock's eyes as they watched him fight back tears, and Jim gasped letting his own tears fall instead. Spock gently wiped the moisture from the captains cheeks leaning his head down at an angle closing the gap between them planting a soft kiss to Jim's lips.

"I'm so sorry Jim..."

The commander whispered as he ran his fingers through the blonde hair, leaning Jim's head into his chest. In one swift move Bones face was repeatedly smashed on the desk till he was left bloody and groaning in pain, finally being thrown across the room.

"Spock Stop!" Jim yelled panicked.

Spock removed his shirt, undoing the knots of ripped cloth on Jim's wrists and pulled the shirt over his head. Jim was left gaping at the sight as a shirtless Spock walked towards the doctor glaring at the floor where he lay.

"Perhaps you will think twice before touching the captain again. I would advise you keep your distance McCoy, I will not stand for a repeat of this incident... Nor will I have the events of this confrontation spread, therefore the three of us will be the only ones to have any knowledge of what happened here tonight, Do I make myself clear McCoy? " Bones groaned pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Fuck you!" The commander growled kicking Bones in the stomach.

"Spock!" Jim yelled, Spock only stared at the drunk holding his abdomen.

"Ah! Fuck! Yes, clear God dammit!" Spock blinked finally.

"Now pick yourself off the floor you worthless parasite..."

Spock was about to walk away but turned around and knealed down to roughly take the doctor's pants off and handed them to Jim. Quietly he helped the captain dress and gently slid him off the desk. Jim wanted to speak, wanted to say something about what had just happened, but Spock quickly silenced him with a pleading stare.

The commander's hand held onto Jim's as they walked through the hall to stand in the lift. Jim stood at the back end quietly waiting for Spock to step in. As the lift began to move Jim waited impatiently as the silence ate at his mind. Half way Spock stopped the lift and Jim's head quirked up as the commander finally turned around to face him. His fierce stance, piercing gaze, naked chest, Jim couldn't deny he wanted to reach out and touch him. But Spock's cool collected gaze kept him at bay. And then Spock was walking towards him. Jim's eyes went wide as Spock gently pushed him against the wall. The Vulcan's warm lips lovingly ravished the captains lips. Hands eagerly came up to thread into soft perfectly cut black hair. Spock gently caressed Jim's face, nipping softly at Jim's bottom lip.

Spocks hand reached back to start up the lift again. Then came back to gently stroke Jim's blonde hair. The commander took the captains hands in his raising them to either side of Jim's head and paused momentarily to view the smaller man. Jim's chest quickly rose and fell, panting for air. His face flushed and those closed eyes fluttered blonde lashes to reveal beautiful dilated crystal blue orbs. Spock's head had instantly lowered to place a sweet loving kiss to Jim's lips before moving down to kiss the bruises on his neck. Each kiss left the captain quivering, sending sparkes of pleasure down his back and he gasped trying to bite back a moan. Jim whimpered as the commander bit his busted bottom lip and Spock froze looking back up, watching as blood slowly fell down his chin. The commander leaned in, instinct taking over as his tongue flicked out to lick the wound making Jim maon at the painful but pleasurable feeling.

Spock rose his head to rest against Jim's, both standing and breathing heavily. The lift gone silent as it waited for them to unlock the door. Jim could hear the Vulcan swallow thickly before placing another soft kiss to his brow and rubbing his face against the younger mans cheek.

"I- forgive me..." Jim blinked curiously tilting his head, Spock continued.

"I should have come sooner... Forgive me for not prev-" Jim kissed the Vulcan cuddling thier noses together.

"Spock, it's ok... I'm alright... Really -"

"You are not alright. .. That vile- He hurt you..." Jim sighed looking away momentarily.

"Ya, Bones has a habit of getting out of hand when he drinks..." Spock's eyes went wide.

"He has done this before? On how many occasions!?" Spock said with a slight rise to his voice. Jim huffed out a chuckle.

"Spock please, you can't stop a wound you weren't there for. Besides, Bones and I... Leonard and I are no longer together..."

Spock huffed approvingly, Jim only smiled. The commander lifted the bloneds chin kissing him lightly. He turned around taking the captain's hand leading him out of the lift and into the hall to find his room. Jim's eyes began to droop heavily as Spock gently pushed him inside to sit on the couch. He walked away leaving the blonde with a blanket to go and change. By the time he had returned Jim was already asleep, wrapped in the thin blanket, a fresh trail of tears stained his face. Spock wiped the menacing moisture away running a soft hand through the blonde hair and kissed his forehead.

"I am truly sorry..."

For a second time that week, Spock carried Jim's sleeping form to his bedroom, lowering the lights before he took the seat besides the bed and went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapters was inspired by a different song, but in honor of Big Bangs new song 맨정신 (Sober), I changed the title because it fit it so well. The last half was inspired by the 2nd new song (If you) - BigBang. This chapter is for AiMila, on Fanfiction.net


	6. Tell me where to go from here ( If You)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I should've treated you better
> 
> when I had you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics are from the song (If You) by BIGBANG I recommend listening to it while you read it but u dont have to =)

_Why did it always have to be the same place?'_

_Jim looked around the place walking up to one of the cherry blossom trees. He plucked a single blossom from a branch holding it in the palm of his hand._

_'Stupid flower...' He thought plucking the petals off one by one._

_"You started all this... Now look at the mess I'm in..." Jim held out his hand letting the petals blow with the wind. Watching as they danced in the breeze. He smiled feeling lips delicately kiss the length of his neck._

_"Did I not tell you he harbored hidden feeling for you..." The captain hugged his arms around his chest moving his head away from the Vulcan._

_"He probably only did that out of pitty... Spock- My Spock will never see me as anything more..."_

_Jim's chin was gently lifted by Spock's finger thier eyes connected and Jim almost cried. This man before him looked just like his Vulcan, it was a cruel joke having to return to this dream. His hand gently caressed Spock's cheek, he wanted his Spock to touch him the same way. The vulcan leaned down to pleace a kiss to the blondes forehead._

_"Jim he loves you too... You need only open your eyes to see..." Jim whimpered lowering his gaze._

_"He'll never be you..." Spock kissed Jim's quivering lips softly._

_"He is me James... But you have to wake up..." Jim clenched his eyes shut as tears began to fall._

_"No... I don't want to wake up..." Spock kissed the blondes cheek to whisper in his ear._

_"Open your eyes Jim..."_

Jim gaped throwing the sheets off the bed as he got up. He took a minute to collect himself taking deep breaths and looked around the room. He sighed running a hand through his blonde hair.

"I gotta stop waking up like this..."

He got out of the bed to pick the blanket off the floor throwing it on the bed. Jim groaned out in pain as he tried to walk out of the bedroom. His entire body hurt from the beating he received the night before. Walking towards the bathroom he paused near the mirror staring at the reflection. Jim's lip was swollen, bruises covered his neck, smaller pink ones, Spock's kisses, overlapping the angry purple red bite marks. Jim blushed remembering the incident in the lift. He couldn't believe it really happened, it wasn't a dream! Just as the blonde was about to remove his shirt the door opened to reveal the commander.

"Jim?" Spock walked in reaching out to touch the captain's cheek.

"N-No, stop!" Jim flinched walking backwards, cornering himself by the shower and sink. Spock feeling guilty lowered his hand and took a step back.

"I... I apologize. Pardon my intrusion..." Jim didn't mean to cringe in fear , it was instinct. He whimpered feeling guilty at the hurt expression in the commander's eyes.

"Wait! I... I'm sorry, I... I should go..." Spock blinked curiously walking after the captain as he watched Jim put on his shoes and move towards the door.

"Jim wait..." The captain paused in fromt of the door looking back tears spilling down his face, Spock fought the urge to reach out and hold him.

"It's alright... Don't pretend with me Spock... Go back to Uhura I'm sure she'll want to know you're alright... And for me, j-just don't tell anyone what happened last night...

Spock was curiously left standing at the door watching the back of Jim's leaving form. He blinked taking notice of the familiarity of the situation, why was everyone walking away from him lately? The doors swooshed closed and Spock walked back towards the center of his living room. Not know what to do next his mind wandered back to the nights events.

The abuse between McCoy and the captain. How long had it been going on? He hadn't noticed any signs of abuse at the academy. He thought about how he lost his self control and almost broke the doctor's face on the desk. The boiling animalistic rage, the instinct to kill and protect now made his blood run cold and he shivered in fear. Jim was causing all these emotions to arise and it terrified him. He quickly peeled off his shirt sitting in the center of the floor.

"I must meditate..." Jim walked out of the room pinching the bridge of his nose. He was gaining a slight headache thinking about the night before.

"It wasn't real... Last night didn't mean anything... He's just playing with you..."

He repeatedly told himself trying to calm his nerves when a pair of hands grasped his shoulders z hook him from his thoughs and he tried to fight the hands away fearing the worst.

"What the hell?! Jim calm down its me!" He froze realizing who it was followed by a panicked younger boy.

"What happened to you last night?" Jim whimpered at the thought.

"Last night I..." But Jim couldn't finish the sentence. The words taken from his lips as he stood starring at the fierce eyes of his pilot. His thoughts of the night before came in flashes and before him stood Bones with his angry face covered in blood where Sulu once stood. The blood started shaking uncontrollably and hyperventilating. Sulu tried shaking the captain back to reality.

"Jim!"

Keptain! Please!" And Jim went still, he stopped breathing looking directly into Sulu's eyes.

Sulu's eyes softened as his hands moved from the captain's shoulders to his his face. Breath hitched and lips quivered realizing Bones presence was no where in sight. Sulu wiped a stray tear from the blondes cheek.

"It's alright Jim..." Jim threw himself into his friends embrace.

"Oh God Sulu!" Chekov watched the two sending sulu a silent stare pointing towards the captain's room.

They sat down huddled around eachother drinking tea. Sulu got up pacing around the room thinking of what to say but found nothing leaving his lips parted in a silent 'o' before he closed them and repeated the process. Chekov curiously glanced at the captain. Jim sat with his cup in his hands staring intently at the reflection in the honey tinted substance. Tiny ripples distorted the image as he blew out quivering breathes.

_Will this go away after time passes?_

Blondes lashes fluttered closed as he took a deep breath letting the memories drift through his mind like scenses from a movie.

_I remember the old times_

_I remeber you..._

Echoing laughter invaded his ears, lips burned and scorched their mark against his skin.

_If you..._

_If you..._

_If it's not too late_

_Can't we get back together?_

Tears flooding his sight, tiny droplets falling setting in small puddles on his hands. The ripples in the cup splashed from the tears, becoming a blurred lake from a memory. He could feel the cool waters against his skin. The feeling of wet hair tangled within his fingers; a loving smile gracing brandy flavored lips. The taste of summer.

_If you're struggling like I am_

_Can't we make things a little easier?_

_I should've treated you better_

_when I had you..._

Jim blinked back stinging tears, paying no mind to the boy running caring fingers through his tangled hair.

_How about you?_

_Are you really alright?_

_Our break up is here_

_I should forget you_

_But it's not easy..._

'I love you' burned his ears. A lasting embrace warmed his body. Coffee colored hair brushed his face as he leaned in for a kiss. Looking up to see the rain pouring down their faces. And the laughed not having an umbrella and ran.

_On days where thin rain falls like today,_

_I remember you..._

He looks up, but where hazel eyes should, brown irises stare at him nervously, Sulu's eyes. No longer will he stare upon a loving face, nor feel the strength in a loving embrace. The sun will not shine and summer has gone taking with it brandy stained lips. The taste of the burning alcohol left on his tongue like an awful after taste.

_Our memories that I secretly_

_put in my in my drawer,_

_I take them out again and_

_Reminisce by myself..._

Curious eyes follow as jell-o like limbs move to walk across the bed room. Dropping to his knees, trembling hands reach out to open a drawer. They watche as he takes out a simple black wooden box. The click of the unlocked latch echoes through the room and they wait frozen in place as he takes out pages. But a closer look identifies it more than just simple paper, they're photographs. More tears fall as he weakly lets the images fall from his quivering fingers.

An angry scream erupts from the blonde as he suddenly throws the box spilling its contents throught the room. Images of once happy memories fluttered throughout the place as they silently watched the blonde fall to his knees and lowered his head down iin defeat and cried.

_Why didn't I know about the weight of saddness_

_That comes with breaking up?_

Chekov slowly walked over to Jim and knealed down taking the blonde into his arms trying to hush his cries.

_If you..._

_If you..._

_If it's not too late_

_Can't we get back together?_

Jim grasped the boys yellow shirt tightly hiding his face in the boys chest.

_If you're struggling like I am_

_Can't we make things easier?_

In another room the doctor sat in his bathroom staring at the mirror. The reflection was pitiful and broken. He huffed moving out of the room to dig through the kitchen finding the burning liquid he had been searching for. Popping off the lid, bringing the bottle up to his lips and paused. He moved the bottle to stare at it for a moment before he looked away and threw it across the kitched shattering on the wall. He sighed letting out a choked sob as he his hand through his hair.

_I should've treated you better_

_when I had you..._

**Author's Note:**

> I had fun writing this even though its filled with abuse and so much drama. 
> 
> A lot's exaggerated but most of it is personal past experiences.


End file.
